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Support, Friendship and Social Acceptance.

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daily schedule and mood swings [Sep. 2nd, 2013|01:23 am]
Support, Friendship and Social Acceptance.
i have cyclothymia since i was 13. ofcourse in the begining i didn't know what's wrong then i thought i had depression but with time and with alot of reading in websites i discovered that i have cyclothymia now i'm 17 years old and in this four years i noticed that when i arrange my time and my sleeping hours i become much better but the problem is i can't always keep in schedules especially in holidays and vacations so i want advices from anyone who has more experience can any one tell me how to arrange my time through mood cycles and for a long times thank you and i wish for all of us happy life that we can see our problem as a gift and use it to lead us to succes
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(no subject) [Jun. 7th, 2013|10:30 pm]
Support, Friendship and Social Acceptance.

I've just taken today's dose of lithium. Its the first for at least three days. This morning I was wracked with muscle pain and the shakes. I've cultivated a pounding headache all day long.

Honestly? I'm in pain. Emotionally and mentally. I wasn't taking my meds because I wanted it to hurt.

"Wanted what to hurt Ryan?"

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So, this is me and I think I finally know why. [Feb. 15th, 2013|12:11 pm]
Support, Friendship and Social Acceptance.

Jessa Elizabeth Keilitz
[Current Location |Marcellus, MI]
[mood |contemplativecontemplative]
[music |No Lights, No Lights by Florence and the Machine]

So, I have known I have some kind of disorder like depression or bipolar for a long time. The issue was, I never really felt like those described me right. They were always kind of off...but then I found cyclothymia. I started studying up on it and reading your posts and realized that it describes me perfectly. It's my personality and all my problems in a nutshell.

My "up" points are always fueled by creative energy and the urge to just do, do, do. I want to dive into new projects, be healthier, be more productive...I feel on top of the world, like I can achieve whatever I put my mind to. It's a nice feeling and I enjoy it thoroughly, but it never lasts.

I end up switching to my "down" periods and it's a total 180. I feel worthless, like I am not good at anything and like my life is pointless. I feel like I am just living to go through the motions until I die. The only thing in these periods that helps me is my son, who makes me feel like I have some purpose. I'll ditch my creative endeavors for days to weeks at a time.

Depending on which phase I am in, I will either love being around people or want to be constantly alone. I will either want to sleep all day or I won't want to sleep at all.

I feel like it's sort of a gift and a curse. Sometimes it allows me to see the world in a way that is so clear and so vivid and it makes me feel amazing. Other times it brings me down and makes me feeling horrible and I want it to go away.

I'm not sure if I want to get medicated at this point or not. Part of me is scared of losing myself and those "up" periods where I see the world in a way I don't think many people can see it.

So, yea. That's me and that's why I am 99% sure this is the disorder I have. Just wanted to let it off my chest and see if anyone relates.
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New [Feb. 1st, 2012|07:05 pm]
Support, Friendship and Social Acceptance.
[mood |depresseddepressed]

I have been diagnosed with cyclothymia for 3 years now and reluctant to go on meds as the last i was on basically made me a zombie i know im on a low at the moment and have been a few days im experiencing some worse moods than previous like they are more intense than they have been in past does anyone else get this? its very hard to live with and i try to explain to my partner how it is but she thinks there must be triggers for my moods and i dont know how to explain by the way im new to this i been alone with this for a long time and hoping this may help
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Best Info I've found on Cyclothymia so far... [Feb. 4th, 2011|05:08 am]
Support, Friendship and Social Acceptance.
Hey Guys,

I've been digging around and found this...


It's an [internal] discussion page from Wikipedia. The bottom half of the page is a personal account, but more importantly, a credible discussion of issues surrounding the diagnosis of Cyclothymia. Personally, this makes more sense to me than anything I've read so far.

As for my own Cyclothymia (or is Schizothymia? or a bit of both - who knows?), I've decided to embrace it.

If you're crazy and you know it, clap your hands!
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Experience of "Mental Health Service" [Jan. 8th, 2011|10:58 am]
Support, Friendship and Social Acceptance.
I saw my GP sometime ago about my suspected cyclothymia condition, and she refered me to the local mental health service. I rang them and "refered myself".

They called me back the next day because they wanted to know - whether I am I living with any children?

I live alone and told them so, but felt very uncomfortable by the nature of the question.

I later received details of my appointment - some 6 weeks in advanced - along with a form to fill out concerning details of any children I have contact with (including schools, social worker, GP, key workers etc.). They also wanted details of everyone living in my household.

A day before my appointment, I received a letter telling me it had been cancelled and was re-scheduled for another 6 weeks time.

In the meantime, I spoke to a friend of mine who is a retired GP and he advised me to stear clear of that particular health service, and to seek private consultation if I felt I needed it. I have just cancelled my appointment and want no further contact them. I also kind of regret ever raising it with my GP because it's now on record. The whole thing has made me feel very uncomfortable.

In any case, I had been thinking about whether I actually would want to take in any medication even if it was offered. I guess the answer varies depending on how I'm feeling - which "cycles" somewhat. But generally, it's "no". I don't generally regard my own cyclothymia as a bad thing, and actually enjoy it much of time. Certainly my life has been very rich and full of contrasts because of it. I'm kinda inclinded to regard it as part of who I am and start accepting it more.
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Hypo, hypo, hypomania! =) [Jan. 8th, 2011|02:38 am]
Support, Friendship and Social Acceptance.

[mood |hyperhyper]

Yay for hypomania! I feel so ambitious tonight! Hooray!! I feel like I have a caffeine IV drip, lol. By the way, I love coffee during the day. It's delicious. I probably shouldn't have had it today, since I've been feeling this bit of an up coming for the past few days. Oh well! It doesn't matter. I don't have anything to do tomorrow (well today technically). Blah! Well, I think I'll go work on my journal club assignment! =) Good night everyone!
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So maybe being well versed in medicine isn't always a good thing... [Jan. 2nd, 2011|10:14 pm]
Support, Friendship and Social Acceptance.

So, the other week, I went into a hypomanic state. I almost didn't recognize it because it wasn't the euphoric hypomania. It was the irritable, nervous, almost panic-like hypomania. I thought I was having a panic attack, but it lasted for much longer than panic attacks do. Normally, I ride this feeling out and just keep to myself. But, that day I had a plane to catch.

I was in the airport with my boyfriend coming home from CA. We had gone out there to present a poster at the ASHP Midyear meeting. For those that don't know, it's a huge convention for pharmacists. On average, 20,000 people go. Anyway, the trip was so much fun. Since it was in Anaheim, we paid Disneyland a visit. All in all, great trip. So, we were in the airport and I started getting this horrible feeling. I felt like I just couldn't calm down and sit still. I tried walking around to get out some energy. It worked a little bit, but not enough. Now, I have never been afraid to fly and am not claustrophobic, so whatever was happening was unrelated to those things. I figure, let me get a drink and take a Klonopin. I'll get the anxiety under control, and we'll be good. But, I never got to get that drink because they were boarding the plane then.

So, I get into my seat and realize that unlike all the other flights, I am not sitting next to my boyfriend. I am sitting next to people I don't know. I begin to get more and more anxious. Such fun, right? I feel like the walls of the plane are going to close in on me and I do not want anything touching me, including my carry-on bag. I quick take a Klonopin. 45 minutes later or so, the flight attendents are coming around with drinks, and guess whose not calmed down at all. So, I take another. Usually Klonopin works within a half hour for me, so I figured my anxiety was exceeding the ability of one Klonopin (which has happened to me before). Another hour and a half go by, and I am still wound up tight like a corkscrew. I ask a flight attendent for more water and take a third.

At this point, my boyfriend realizes what's going on. He looks at me from across the aisle and asks how many I've taken. I tell him 3, but I want to take 4. He tells me to cool it with the benzos, so I do. Lo and behold, they kick in, finally, right as we land in Chicago. Now, I'm the exact opposite. I am loopy and stumbling like a drunk. My memory after that point is so hazy, and for the next 36 hours, I feel the effects of the Klonopin.

I ended up crying later that night. I sent myself from a hypomanic to a depressive state. I don't remember what was said, but I woke up the next morning and told my boyfriend I needed to find a doctor who would tie my tubes. He got me back into bed and had me sleep more.

Ugh, what a disaster. And, you know what my thought was when I was taking them? "I haven't taken more than the max dose. I can still take more." My therapist told me to stop using my knowledge in a destructive fashion, haha.

Yeah, but anyway, that's my story. =P
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HELP [Nov. 9th, 2010|10:59 pm]
Support, Friendship and Social Acceptance.
I am a sixteen year old girl and I could really use some input. I think I might have cyclothymia, but I am not sure. I have always thought that I might have a bi-polar type of disease, and just recently I stumbled upon cyclothymia and discovered that I fit a lot of the symptoms. I have periods (lasting weeks, months)in which I feel tired and unable to get things done. I have problems staying asleep and in general, I don't care about my classes or anything else for that matter. At one point I went into a daze (during a band competition, so I was surrounded by lots of people) in which I did not want, or have the energy to talk to anyone past three word sentences, 90% of which were this one: "Im just tired." During these times I also feel extremely depressed and alone, resulting in several nighttime drives around town of me just screaming and crying to my car. However, I also have these times where I am so happy I just feel like I could fly. I can't sit still and I feel like my chest is about to explode it can't contain all the joy. During these times though I also can get very irratable and I don't like to be touched at all. Sometimes I will feel like if I don't move I will explode. But...I also have these short periods where I actually feel stable. Normal you know? I am/was a cutter, and have scratched and hit myself too, mainly to let the feelings out. My little sister and mother have mild anxiety disorders and my grandmother was medically treated for depression. I have had suicidal thoughts before, but have never tried to act on them. I feel like I have had something close to panic attacks before, one incident once where I felt like I couldn't move my pinky fingers. Still..I am reluctant to ask to get checked out. My "highs" are usually very short, and aren't teenage hormones very powerful things? Couldn't my "symptoms" be just hyped up chemical levels? I am very compromised by this and I know this was very long but I could really use another opinion or some advice. thank you so much.
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I'm wondering... [Nov. 4th, 2010|05:24 am]
Support, Friendship and Social Acceptance.
Does anyone identify with this...

Whenever I face the prospect of a personal confrontation, i.e. just argument with someone, I find myself shaking, unable to speak in a level voice (if at all), and completely paralyzed. It's so frustrating. I used to think it was because I'm scared/coward, but it's not. I'm quite prepared to put myself into difficult situations and see them through, but it's just when I get there, I find myself unable to act/speak.

Recently, I found myself in this kind of situation, but found (to my surprise) that after a minute or so my quivering paralysis lifted suddenly and I was able to "unload both barrels" at the other person and say the things I wanted to say in angry, but measured, way. The problem is that, usually in this kind of situation, the moment has passed before I get of grip of myself.

I'm thinking that I must experience some kind of huge chemical rush or something.

Does anyone else experience this kind of thing?
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